Yesterday was like a bad jinxed day for Avdi and everyone, the kind you want to delete and start over, a not-funny comedy of errors.  Actually his whole week was less than productive, owing to kid chaos and distractions.  They get lazy and expect him to accommodate them as a fallback, and he needs to stand up to them so they’ll take more responsibility for their actions, so he can get work done.

Not all was a loss, though.  I think Y and I had a breakthrough yesterday evening.  We ended up sitting on the kitchen floor with them sharing some very personal, private stuff from their journal and life that they would only share with a friend they trust (their words).  I used to keep private journals from a young age, and I know how significant it is to read it to or even show it to anyone, let alone a grandparent.  They even asked my advice about organizing it onto their laptop.  A big step for them and us.

When Avdi returned from shuttling the latest batch of kids around, he had to get back to work, so Y and I collaborated on dinner–they made their excellent crêpes, and I made a savory potato filling for them.  They also made sweet ones.  Everyone liked them, and we were able to work together in the kitchen.

Today I met some very pleasant Catholic volunteers who came over to see if I qualify for getting food at their food pantries (and rides as well).  We sat and drank tea and had a productive meeting.  I probably do qualify, so if my current source dries up, I’ll have an alternative or two.  Other assistance is available as well.  So between Avdi and the Catholics, I guess I won’t starve or freeze to death!

Speaking of which, last night Avdi made really good jambalaya, and tonight I made chili, corn tortillas, and all the fixings.

Downstairs in the “lab”, I keep propagating things, just for fun.  I may not even have room for veg seedlings!

The full moon was huge and orange tonight.

Trying to line up sources of free food (delivery, or free transportation to/from food pantries) is more complicated than you’d think.

I must have bad luck.  I have the wrong kind of cancer (!), or services stopped delivering for reasons, or I don’t qualify for Medicaid/SNAP/gov. services because of a stupid technicality, or whatever the case may be.  No doubt my big SSA raise of a few more dollars will further disqualify me for help!

So take my advice and don’t get old and poor in Red America, especially for the next four years.  But I won’t let that deter me!  Plus Avdi feeds me very well, so I can’t complain.

The first full moon of the year was the Wolf Moon.  Though it turns out wolves don’t howl at the moon.  Just humans or wolf-like humanoids.

The strange unidentified object is a candle I made.

The rest of the family are definitely not hibernators.  Many snow structures appeared while I was gone.  Sledding, and even some shoveling, got done.  K and friends rolled the biggest snowball in the world down the hill at Blackburn Park!  E built a substantial igloo–in the dark!  Y made a perfect snowman, and S piled up a large mound.  For Shabbat, E baked a hearty bread and Avdi made a beef stew.  See what I miss when I’m “snowed in”?

I made up for it by spending the night (and eating too much good food), so Avdi and Jess could go out.  They stayed close to home, because the city still isn’t really plowed.  No doubt Repubs don’t like to fund infrastructure and public works.  I hung around Sunday, while A worked or ran errands.  My little downstairs prop garden keeps expanding with “experiments”!

While I’ve been enjoying semi-hibernation, Avdi has to get up on a Saturday at the crack of dawn, shovel snow (which the kids mostly wouldn’t do) in order to take kids to their extracurricular school activity, then not get to finish sleeping because they can’t coordinate when and where they need to be retrieved, or rescued as the case may be.  So he has to spend much of his day interpreting their ambiguous signals and needs, and driving around.

They won’t wear cold weather clothing or outerwear, then complain it’s too cold to walk.  (This happens to be a warmer, sunny day.)  They seem to expect grownups to show up at their confusing beck and call, then complain when they don’t get instant gratification.  They don’t get how hard their single parent works day and night on little sleep to make sure they’re provided for in every way, with limited help.

Am I sounding too grandmotherly?  Good, I think I have that right.  Too boomer behind the times?  Yes, times are much more complicated and demanding now, but teens remain self-centered and needy, possibly more so.  They don’t always get cause-and-effect.  Or where the money comes from to indulge their every whim.  Or how to empathize and contribute to the family.  It’s their world now, and grownups exist to cater to their needs and clean up after them.  Or so it sometimes seems.

I was an ungrateful teen once, too.  Temperamental and spoiled, but also punished for the slightest infraction, and I didn’t have to grow up as fast in such a complex world.  So maybe I can’t really compare.  Cultures change, as it should be.  Kids have to learn for themselves, the hard way.

Also I can’t really talk, because I can’t help out with all the things my son needs, and I get to be snowed in so as not to be one more ride for someone to provide.  I’ll get one anyway, and sleep over so he can get out for respite.  I just feel like once in a while, someone should be speaker for the quiet desperation of a single parent.  Thanks to anyone still reading.

Part 2:  First time in a while I’ve done Shabbat at my apartment.  I didn’t really do much except finish the final book of The Expanse, sleep, cook, research free food sources for the future, and get some of my free gifts.  It looks homier already.  One of them, the one I wanted most, got lost in transit and refunded.  Maybe it went by way of China and will still find its way to me.

So, it’s Friday, everything that managed to get shoveled is being covered by more snow, and of course the kids got another day off!  Even my Food Outreach delivery got rescheduled.  Although it’s erev, I decided the challah gods will forgive me this one time if I also take another snow day—what are they gonna do, send thunder-snow?  This way everyone can stay in bed!  Or get stuff done.

Snow is best appreciated from inside the comfort of hibernation, IMO.  If I were a rich dictator, I’d pay all workers to stay home.  I’d sentence all the trump criminal mobsters to hard labor plowing and shoveling for us.  Then I’d deport them to Mars on a one-way Musk-ship.  They’d never get away with murder as they’re doing.

The kids finally went back to school, and I got rides to and from to help Avdi out.  There was plenty for me to do.  Now we’re expecting more snow on top of the last round, which is still not completely cleared.  I guess if there has to be winter, might as well go all the way.  It is rather pretty.

Here’s an ironic story for you.  I may have the one type of cancer (CLL Leukemia) that may not requalify me for my healthy food assistance for cancer patients, because I’m not on chemo/rad/meds, because it’s throughout my blood and can’t be treated or cured.  So my only source of affordable (i.e. free) healthy food to help me live longer may be cut off.  Isn’t it ironic?

But–I got this (free gift) new rug, so it’s all good.

Day 5: The schools were still closed today (for “hazardous road conditions”)!  (Cue old wives’ tales about when we were kids…).  I remained home under a snowdrift as it were.  Needless to say, lots of procrastinated chores were gotten around to.

Later, I finally rejoined the human race when Jess gave me a ride to Avdi’s, where I did some cleaning and laundry, and stayed with the kids so he and Y could go to an appointment.  The extended vacation has really set him back with his work.  I made dinner, and then J took me home.

Day 4: Still snowed/iced in, frigid out.  It sounds like the roads are still being dealt with and not much traffic in or out.  Schools are still closed.  The kids and Avdi did indeed bundle up for the arctic and go sledding.  Fortunately so far no power outages here, though I can’t speak for others.  I haven’t seen a human in days!

Which is fine, though I’m starting to fall into surreal dream territory more of the time, as I do in isolation.  My unconscious mind is clearly continuing the wayback trip into uncomfortable, unresolved personal history and trying to find some resolution, if not closure.  We’re not talking nostalgia here, more like cringe.  So many twisted, misguided paths I could have taken!  Who was I?!  It’s a relief to wake up alone in my own apartment.  But hard to detach from the haunting of my ghosts.

I suppose one of these days I’ll have to dig myself out and go see people again.  I’m running out of things to reorganize or photograph–and booze!

Photo courtesy of Avdi.