First, a disclaimer: I was not duped by the uncannily warm weather into disrupting dormant wildlife by raking leaves!  Those leaves are from the patio only, so few to no critters were harmed in the making of this post!  Also, the leaves were merely transferred to better locations.  Do not take this as a prompt to begin spring clearance i.e. mass murder too early!

Having said that, Loucious really enjoyed yesterday’s project of applying leaves to various garden beds.  You can see how helpful he was.  He learned a new trick, a leaf-ride!  Our friend J showed up and stole Loucious’s heart by playing frisbee with him for an hour or so.

The challot came out particularly well, as Loucious can attest to, and everyone enjoyed dinner together.  Oh yeah, by the way, it has been unofficially official for a while now that L is part of our family.  I’m sure you figured that out before me.

Today it’s raining, for a change of pace, which is a good thing for the garden.  Also an auspicious sign for erev my birthday, which I’ll spend overnight and tomorrow with the family as usual, so Avdi can get out.  Do not ask my age, it’s top secret, i.e. I forget.

Today in the Garden: I was able to extract finished compost from the bin and apply it to the future strawberry patch.  I also removed all the wire border edging along the front of the “edge of woods” area, to be used later.  Some frisbee happened as well.

I have a pretty good plan in mind for all the beds this year; I just have to save the more intrusive tasks until more critters have emerged.  That will ensure that more beneficial interaction and pollination take place, and veggies and flowers do well.

The plant pictured is native columbine coming back.  There are also lots of spring flower bulbs sprouting.  Also witch hazel blooming.  I have a good feeling about this spring.

Yesterday was so warm, Loucious and I spent the whole afternoon outside with the frisbee.  I found something I could do without disrupting dormant pollinators and critters: I took down all the fairy lights around the big shade native area and then the whole framework of poles and lumber.  Later on I’ll clean up the area and rewire the lights more aesthetically.  Loucious amused himself between throws by plowing the leaves with the frisbee.

This morning I met Jess at the Annex (coffee shop) to relinquish the car and get a ride to Avdi’s.  Guess what that means?  I walked home this evening and am carless until next week!  It feels weird to be on foot again, but I really need the exercise.  I did try to make myself useful giving rides while I could.

Y has been doing a good job growing his own flowers downstairs under lights, since I decided not to germinate veggies indoors this season.  It’s nice to see him taking on the role.  I did go ahead and order all the seeds for the growing season, customized to the Avdi’s, to direct-sow later.  I have my whole new gardening plan pretty much laid out in my head.  It’s just a matter of time now; trying to be patient!  The longer I hold off, the more beneficial pollinators and critters will make it alive to do their essential stuff.

I did come up with a system for inventorying all categories of food and nonfood staples at the Avdi’s, then checking off what we need and adding those items to Avdi’s list.  It isn’t perfected to his requirements yet, but getting there.  Converting analog thinking to digital everything is still a challenge sometimes.  Plus his household requires a vast quantity of items!

In fact, lately I know I’ve been inadequate or failing to perform at the level or role that he needs me to, or take on all the tasks he requires of me for the household to function.  I want to do my part, but my anxieties and deficiencies get in the way.  To others, it must look like I’m just shirking routine (to them) responsibilities, with all the needs there are.

I guess I should be honored that at almost age 74, half blind, {with cancer!}, they still have the confidence to rely on me to this extent.  I just don’t feel qualified or adequate sometimes.  But in the end, the urgency will compel me to push myself past the anxiety and get the job done.  Which is progress.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard to work past the feeling that no matter how much I do to help out, I’m just an annoyance or invisible.  I get it; everyone’s busy being overwhelmed by life, the universe, and everything.  There are demons to do battle with!   I’ve had my share; I empathize.  It’s hard to survive, let alone live.  So I try to stay out from underfoot, or keep my foot out of my mouth.  I’m still working on my people skills, after all this time.  Maybe I’ll get it right one of these days.

Anyway, enough whining.  Have some doggy!  Notice how inconspicuous he looks on that bed, like a doggy throw pillow.

There’s a conspiracy afoot to keep me from hibernating, I suspect!  The limited car loaner time keeps stretching, and the list of people and places and chores on my repertoire keeps expanding.  No worries; I need to be more asset, less ass.

Here’s a mystery: suddenly my readership has increased from like 2.5 to a shocking hundreds!  Who and where are all these people?!  I don’t even know one or two hundred people in the world!  They never comment, so are they filtered or blocked in my settings?  I have no idea.  What could all those people possibly find of interest in my Blahg??  Curious.

Here are photos.  The day I took those doggy photos, it was like 50º out–talk about a spring teaser.  I could feel the buds popping.  And the depraved cadavers in power decomposing.  All part of the circle of life.  I’m living for it.

For our monthly “date”, we found ourselves back in The Grove for a much-needed mood lift for Avdi.  First, we sampled some excellent craft cocktails and food at Good Company, a comfortable neighborhood bar and eatery.  The burger I tried was the best I’ve had yet.

That set the tone for checking out their affiliated Aperi next door, with whom they share a kitchen.  This was a tiny, intimate, candle-lit European-style aperitivo and curated wine bar, specializing in amaro and other Italian drinks.  The craft cocktails we had were incredible and unique.  We had the cozy bar (and nice bartender) to ourselves, and his personal music playlist perfectly fit the relaxed atmosphere.

To finish out the evening, we revisited Platypus, a lively popular Grove bar and eatery with two rooms of different Black  electronic music going on, which we enjoyed.  By that time I was good and schnockered and drinking non-A., and I think even Avdi felt a little better, or at least distracted from too many worries.

As always, it was a good night out with Avdi.

I experienced sticker shock yesterday.  Not in the way a clueless repug might, but as someone who rarely gets to go grocery shopping or buy much.

My brother sent me a Schnucks gift card that amounted to like a fortune, and still having the car, I went ahead and used most of it while I could.  I prepared a written list of basic essentials (and maybe a couple of luxuries) and followed it meticulously, so I came out ahead.  But I got to see firsthand how prices have doubled or tripled since the last time I did actual grocery shopping.  I wasn’t exactly shocked, but it’s a reality.  There’s no way a low-income family could afford a balanced diet in trumpworld.  I felt really fortunate.

Then, over at the Avdi’s, while he was desperately backed up with work with no time to even update the shopping list, he asked me to help him with that.  Everything’s on an app and I’ve never really figured out how it works, so I was stuck on stupid!  I couldn’t even explain how my mind doesn’t function or orient that way, with their household’s very different circumstances and lifestyle.  So that’s a project for me to work on.

Today I had a telehealth vidcall to determine if I should get on an additional med for depression/anxiety/sleep, but I decided against it for now.  I’m not ready to become a fat zombie.

Gotta go to “work”.

I say blah to Punxy Phil.  Why even come out of his hole at all, that’s what I want to know.  Obviously winter is continuing for six more weeks, duh.  He should just stay in his hole like a normal, sane person.  And dream gardeny thoughts, like me.

Speaking of holes, I came out of mine the last few days, don’t tell, since I still appear to have the car.  I even spent the night as usual, though I couldn’t sleep.  Wrong hole, I guess.  Then I came back home and just slept for hours.

Speaking of dream fantasies, the whole time (like 16 hours!) I dreamt that Al Pacino ♥♥ and I had a thing and hooked up.  Not all my dreams are nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, I’m going to stop with the white person clutching pearls over my inadequacy in fighting the current iteration of white racist bloodthirsty homicidal savages doing the emperor’s bidding, because it’s not helping.  If it comes down to it, I’ll know which side I’m on and what I have to do, because I have a conscience.  In the meantime, I know my purpose here in STL, and have my work cut out for me, literally on the ground.

Speaking of work, the doggy job paid off, literally.  My portion of the Germans’ compensation came to a legend-wait for it-dary 1+K?!  Whatup?!  High five!  IKR?!  (ok, I’ll stop.)  I just stared at it for five minutes…then gave most of it to Avdi because I owe him so much money for dental bills that he helped with.  Now I’m down to a “manageable” 2+K debt.  Only two more years of installments.  You gotta keep priorities straight.

Speaking of priorities, gotta get back to it.  That’s not a dog on a bed.  Look at this beautiful sweet bread K made!>→

Yesterday hundreds of local school kids, including ours, joined the millions of anti-ICE protesters across the country.  K, E, and Y and their friends marched through cold and snow to City Hall to add their voices and signs to the outcry against illegal gov violence against Americans.  Around here, they got lots of support and encouragement from teachers and parents, for the most part.  I was proud of them.

Erev featured baking by K (sugar cookies) and challah (me).  K had friends over, which made Loucious very happy.  He got plenty of frisbee action.  Also the usual constant revolving door of comings and goings kept things lively.

Much hilarity occurred at the dinner table, including an unusual silly manic exchange between Y and me.  I suspect A and I were both wondering what, if anything, he was on, or hoping that wasn’t the case.  Even Loucious, on Y’s lap, looked a little concerned!  Hopefully(?) it was just a byproduct of neuro-issues or their prescribed meds.  He probably won’t even remember or acknowledge it happening.

It turns out the car battery had died of cold, so you see my excuse to hibernate was legit, after all!  But then Eric kindly gave me a jumpstart, so for now I’m back on wheels.  I finally made it over to the Avdi’s, and got some stuff done.  It’s only right, after spending the week reorganizing my own place.  I suspect I’ll have more opportunities this winter to be “snowed-in”.

It seems E and I have something in common to bond over, as he has discovered the never-ending shit-ton of chores, most of which fell to him while I was absent.  It was an eye-opening learning experience!  I agreed a raise in his allowance might be in order!  (I do it for free.)  I guess I do earn my keep there after all, when I’m not hibernating.

Loucious greeted me like I’d been away forever!  It was quite the theatrical reunion.  He was glued to one of the new doggy balls I had sent him, so we did that a lot.  His beloved frisbee had gotten lost in a snowdrift somewhere, so that was tragic for him.  He and I are both not amused by the extreme cold; he does his stuff and then makes a meteoric beeline for the door.  Spring better be coming!

K made an excellent jambalaya, after filling the air with lung-choking red pepper, causing us all to cough to death!  Good practice for an ICE attack, I guess.  I had to eat and evacuate!  L wasn’t bothered by the pepper spray at all.