Did you ever notice how most songs about Ohio are sad?

Think about it.  “Ohio” by CSN&Y, “My City Was Gone” by the Pretenders, “Ohio” by Over The Rhine, “Cuyahoga”by R.E.M., “Youngstown” by Bruce Springsteen, “Carry Me Ohio” by Sun Kil Moon, to name just a few.  They’re all about sorrow and longing for a once-loved place, long gone, that has suffered blight, decay, decline, toxic waste, disaster, violence, government corruption, you name it.  It’s like one big ghost-town, a shadow of its former self.

These were only cool songs to me, until I moved here.  Now I see this sadness and depression all around me.  I listen to stories of how it used to be long ago, a great place of innovation and industry, and see how desolate it is now.  Whole cities are abandoned and boarded up  like a war zone.  The once beautiful countryside is one big toxic landfill, with payday loan sharks and drive-through liquor stores.  This may be the saddest state of the union.

I’ve been guilty of scornfully contrasting Ohio with the more civilized places I’ve lived.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!  But I’m slowly coming to understand that this is a place like many others in this country that people call home, where they struggle to survive amidst all the economic depression and political abandonment.  In many ways the 21st century has not yet made it here.  Driving around here is like being in a time machine.  It’s not so far from “The Grapes of Wrath” era.  It saps your energy just witnessing the deterioration it has suffered.  It’s heartbreaking.  Ohio and the Midwest just sort of got lost in the shuffle and were left behind to rot.

I wish I could say I will miss Ohio when we move.  One day I will come to appreciate it as the secure way station it was for us on our way to somewhere more conducive.  It’s not a place I would have chosen myself, had it not been for certain circumstances, but it has taught me a lot.  I wish it well in the future, after all its pain.  I will remember its vast cornfields, ancient rock formations and glacier-gouged gorges, its beautiful wetlands and wildlife, and its Big Sky.  I will imagine the rich native civilization that was wiped out, a legacy it shares with the rest of our country.

E’s friend and former co-worker, who is from Mexico, came over for dinner, which was, you guessed it, an attempt at pseudo-Mexican cuisine.  She said it was genuinely good, and swore she wasn’t just being polite!  And she should know!  So I guess I’m on the right track.  Once my new birthday cookbooks arrive, one of which is Mexican, I’ll be off to a good start.  I made a black and kidney beans dish with lots of kinds of Mexican chilies, spices, and herbs; brown rice; a cheesy vegetable casserole; whole grain tortillas; coconut banana custard; and other appropriate sides.  (And of course, leftover birthday cake, by E.)

Lots of people have made this birthday one of the best ever, you know who you are.  (All my birthday movies arrived today!  There’s a serious marathon in our future.)  Most of my birthdays in recent years have gone by non-eventfully, which is what I’ve come to expect, so this was a bonus.  Thanks, everyone!

Well, moving on to more serious things…drinking.  Head on over to the V-bar.  Drinks on the house, whenever I remember to bartend.  Someday I hope to have a ‘real’ AI virtual bar, with all the amenities and atmosphere.  Maybe a hi-tech Rick’s, with music requests.  Any techies feel free to consult!  (I’m sure someone’s already doing it.)

OMG I’m being turned into a dirigible!  And not the light floaty kind, more of the bloaty Hindenburg kind!  E has been planning this big steak dinner for me for V-day/my B-day for weeks.  It was perfectly broiled rib-eyes, with a side of sautéd mushrooms and onions, roasted fresh asparagus (also perfect), and steak fries.  There isn’t even room left for all the leftover cake!  I can’t even fit into my pants anymore!  But I’m not complaining.  I’m just getting very spoiled.  Spring cannot come too soon.  So much to work off.

Remind me not to drink coffee and eat sugar-loaded cake before bed.  Now I’m sitting here wide awake, stewing over some of my favorite self-afflictions.  You’ve heard this rant before, so please just bear with me, or disregard as usual.

I don’t get human life.  Many of us just work and slave for some rich bastard until we drop dead.  What’s the point?

A sizable sub-group of us are compelled to lose our incomes, benefits, healthcare, savings, families, friends, homes, and futures, in order to caregive indefinitely for aging parents in their homes, right at the time in life that we needed to stay at work to keep earning enough to see us (and possibly our own kids) through the rest of our lives, perhaps never retiring, at an age where re-employment will be next to impossible.  (I’m not bitter! 😉 )

Yet, we’re supposed to do this out of the goodness of our hearts, or because we owe it to our parents, as their old-age life insurance, for as long as it takes, which could drag on for decades.  And then there we’ll be, broke with nowhere to go.  If we feel resentful, or worse yet, if we dare to resist this fate, we feel guilty of being ungrateful, entitled, selfish, or inadequate.  As if we have no right to a life of our own, or what’s left of it, while dying, demented people with no quality of life deserve every last ounce of our time on earth.

I know, I’m not in a position to complain, because I did eventually resist and move on, thanks to circumstances I could never have planned or hoped for.  I did my time, I did everyone’s dirty work.  But I still sometimes lie awake at night, wondering if I was evil or negligent for not sacrificing my life and health for as long as it took, forfeiting any prospects of a secure future.  And I think of all my counterparts who don’t have the luxury or ability to find alternatives.

The whole paradigm seems skewed or wrong.  Aging people are kept alive longer, though barely existing, while their kids in their prime of working life, or starting to think about retirement if they can afford it, must suddenly give it all up and risk everything they worked hard for, to accommodate dying people who didn’t plan ahead.  Then we’re up next, facing the same dilemma, with no funds left, and no desire to burden our already struggling kids with the same baggage.

I know, life’s not fair, never has been, never will.  I don’t expect any answers or solutions, as long as humans are mortal, and corporations have a vested interest in manipulating us for profit.  Dying is big business, and only the very rich can afford to just throw money at the problem of extended aging and make it ‘go away’.

The average person is in denial about mortality until they begin to age, and suddenly have to face the conflict between securing their own and their family’s future wellbeing, and sacrificing it all to support their parents and in-laws.  In past generations, the old just got sick and died, or families somehow took them in until the medical challenges became too great to handle.  Now, many people are not in a position to be able to do that, or their parents insist (understandably, but not always realistically) on aging ‘in place’.  Our society is not geared up or prepared for handling an assault of this magnitude.  We’re all just barely managing to survive as it is, and it will only get worse.

OK, was that not a cheery change of pace or what?!  Once in a while I have to revert to my old bitter, cynical rantings and ravings, just to get it out of my system.  It’s better than imploding or grumbling all the time.  Then I can get back to the more important matters in life, namely, drinking beer, and working my way through the cuisines of the world, if only in my head. Oh, and sometimes getting to see my kids.  Or whatever it is retired people on a small fixed income are supposed to do with the little time that’s left.

I just hope I spend my reprieve wisely and effectively.  Please feel free to advise.  Most of the time I’m just winging it.    For now, I’m just hoping for some nightmare-free sleep.  Lots of ghosts, etc.  Rant over; carry on.

E baked me a fantastic, yummy birthday cake.  It had sprinkles inside and out.  I haven’t had a birthday cake in years.  Count the candles to see how old I really am.  I even allowed a photo of me eating it to be taken as evidence that it was such a momentous occasion.  You can see me getting even fatter!

Not to be outdone, I gave her a pink blinky ducky and some other trifles for V-day.  Here, finally, are some photos to prove this happened.

Today we celebrated my pre-birthday at the Tavern, by the fireplace. I had a Warped Wing, Dayton, 10 Ton Oatmeal Stout ( a reference to Dayton’s history of early manufacturing). We also had pizza (official food of the pizza planet) and soup.  We had soup because each bowl supports a good cause in Yellow Springs, helping a poor local man get his license to be a barber to the homeless, of which YS has its share.  Typically, the local government doesn’t like free humanitarian gestures like this, so the Tavern and its patrons are reaching out to help.  We were glad to contribute in our small way.  (Also, the broccoli cheese soup was good.)

Now, at home, someone is ‘secretly’ baking me a ‘secret’, so I’m pretending to type a blogpost.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had a birthday cake secret of my very own.  😉  More on that later.  I know nothing.

Photos a little later.  I still can’t get my iPhoto edits to post to WP in a timely manner.  Sometimes it takes hours, can’t figure it out.  So hold that thought.  In the meantime, here’s some other picture.

It used to be simple being an animal or plant.  You’re born, you survive to procreate, and die, the end.  In winter, many go dormant or hibernate.  But it’s not so simple anymore, living in a human-dominated world.

A local Ohio herping (reptiles and amphibians, not an STD) group posted photos of salamanders, confused by climate change, coming out of dormancy to breed, then freezing to death.  My native wildflowers group has been posting spring bulbs and plants doing the same.  Nothing is as it was, thanks to us humans.

Meanwhile, our stupid, self-centered politicians go on ignoring science and plotting more destruction of the earth we all depend on.  They don’t care, they’ll be dead soon, thank goodness, but their short-sighted legacy will live on, fueled by blind followers.  Our grandchildren will have us to thank for sabotaging their future.

It’s hard to stay positive and hopeful, witnessing this Darwinian stupidity.  No matter how sustainably and responsibly we live, we are always outnumbered by stupid people.  It seems like the reverse of survival of the fittest.  I don’t get it.  They need to all just kill themselves stupidly, so smart people can restore the balance and pay it forward.

Just an erev rant.  Trying to stay positive.  Spring is coming.  🙂

Alone is our default setting.  We are good loners.    

Questioning everything, our very existence.  “Why?”  “What am I here for?” 

Unconventional thinking and behavior.  Nonconformity.

Active mind, restless, never satisfied with the mundane or mediocre.  

Rebellion against anything conventional, mainstream, orthodox.    

Independent, intellectual thinker, idealogical-minded, and can be an idealist. 

Unique, unpredictable behavior.  Also not from Uranus!

Saturn is our true planet.  We are smart, can be stubborn, and require stimulation of the mind.

Yesterday E made perfect whole wheat bread from scratch.  She followed that act by taking her life in her hands and trying fish.  Her baked cod and chips came out excellently.  I am now officially a lazy freeloader!  This could become a habit.  Proof of bread photos below.  The fish got gobbled too fast to take its selfie.

It attempted to snow outside.  Emphasis on attempted.

E is practicing training her voice, which lost even the narrow range it had after the surgery.  She loves the Beatles, and I love my iPod for just such emergencies!  It works for both of us.  😉

All my seeds arrived yesterday, from Annie’s Heirloom Seeds and Seed Savers Exchange!  So exciting!  If we have to stay here for another year or so, might as well make the most of it.  I’m going to turn the yard into a garden of native wildflowers, perennials, butterfly/bee/hummer/bird-friendly plants, native herbs, and heirloom veggies.  Just doing my small part to save endangered wildlife from extinction here in Ohio.

I know this post is a hodgepodge, which is the story of my life.  Happy Mardi Gras!  Good excuse to drink!  A votre santé!  😀