The last erev (8) of Chanukah is always bittersweet, as it goes out in a blaze of light.  That’s pretty much it for our “season”, which is also a good thing.  We have a Chinese restaurant in mind for Xmas eve, then we just hunker down and let all the crazies out there do their frenzied thing.  Sirens will serenade us.

The grand finale of living in the midwest will be a bit sad and regretful for E, though not for me.  It was a place to transition for both of us, I’ll give it that.  It featured some painful disappointments, but for the most part, it served its purpose of giving us an affordable retreat to sit out our setbacks and delays.  Now we just wait for our little hobbit home to reveal itself.

I guess the saddest finale is to a dream I had of finally getting back to being some small part of my son’s life and extended family in the hills of Tennessee before I die.  We were so close to realizing it, when it suddenly got grenaded out from under us.  Life’s like that; you can’t control all the moving parts.  Now it’s like finally reaching your longed-for destination and finding a refugee camp that’s being evacuated.  You hold onto the pieces that are left, and try to make the best of it for whatever time you have left.

Part of the dream was a secluded secret garden not hemmed in by hateful peasants, where my family could visit and relax.  Gradually I’ve been letting go of most of my unrealistic expectations, and accepting that older poor people are very fortunate to even find a decent affordable roof and yard with some trees in a relatively tolerant neighborhood of a provincial city.  Having (and being) family nearby would have been the icing, but there are no guarantees.

We’re too old to be nomads, so we’ll set up camp, and try to make it a homey oasis.  And hope trump doesn’t nuke it all to hell.  I still daydream, though I don’t get my hopes up.  My son and family are still alive and surviving out there.  I still have a wonderful brother and brother-in-law, though farther away, who have always been there for me.  I’m not dead yet, so I can’t complain (though .  I have a loyal partner, who sees the bigger picture, which is more than many people can say.

I still have my little daydream… to be part of some solution, however modest, and leave the place a little better than I found it, before I go.  Not very original or ambitious, but it’s what I’ve got.

Here are some grand finale scenes, complete with a very generous and sweet See’s gift from The Bobs, who never forget, even when they’re in mourning for the loss of a sister.  We have a lot to be thankful for.  Also these very chocolatey oatmeal cookies by E.  Last but not least, the lucky dreidel came up all gimels tonight.  Maybe it’s a Sign.  To drink.