It wasn’t officially called the “Post Traumatic Stress Beer and Badminton”, but it might as well have been.  Avdi continued to be too overcome and stunned by recent and ongoing events to socialize very much.  The others mostly sat in companionable subdued numbness, while the kids eventually got motivated to play together.  E had baked their usual inspired contributions to the spread, but mostly remained inside.  I was just glad for the circle of friends to hang out with, talking and drinking around the fire.

Yesterday I got my COVID vax, then walked over to Avdi’s and had a wonderful visit with Akasha, a very unique and talented friend.  We had so much to talk about, but given the current situation, we kept it shorter.  Avdi was mostly working (or processing) elsewhere.  Everyone is in a state of uncertainty about their future security and strategies.

Here are some atmospheric photos of the last couple of days and nights.

This is one of those Before and After moments in history.  Pre-and-post hitler2 re-election.  The Great American Fourth Reich. Hopefully this one will fall in four years, if not sooner.  With a little help from us allies.

It looks like the consensus on how we failed boils down to Stupid People.  No matter how you aim messages or info at Stupid People, they’ll just stick with the misinformation and propaganda their friends and media shove at them.  They don’t respond to evidence in front of their faces.  They are able to hold two opposite, contradictory perceptions of reality at once.  I hope they get a rude awakening, but they may be too deluded to notice.

We dared to hope that we would live to see our democracy, though imperfect, progressing forward in an unprecedented way.  Now, After, we have only dread of what the next four years will bring to every vulnerable, marginalized population, including our own loved ones.  It’s sad and ridiculous that trump (and non-) voters will realize too late what they were complicit in, when their own families and cheap labor are persecuted and deported, their economy and finances go down the toilet, and they lose their social and healthcare safety nets, while billionaires dictate their every move.  Just to mention the highlights.

Maybe Dems will get their act together and find an effective strategy to bring back sanity, if any legal recourse is left to them, but meanwhile, we the actual people on the ground can’t be passive and compliant, like Germans in WWII, watching our communities systematically persecuted until they come for us.  The damage and setbacks to democracy that trump/vance/musk/etc. will cause will take years to undo.  Our own world allies are unnerved.  This is not the turning point we were looking for.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to rant on indefinitely.  At some point we’ll all get the rage and grief out of our systems, and channel it toward proactive living.  We can’t control many things, but we can control how we behave and model justice and mercy where we live going forward.  Maybe some people use their one lifetime to be apathetic and self-centered, but that doesn’t have to be us.

On that high-minded note, back to the customary fodder you expect from me and my Blahg.

My grandkids are so artistic and creative!  E is bringing down the house in their theatrical role in a production of Cabaret (speaking of nazis), and Y is a promising artist and crafter, and determined trumpet-player .  We try to encourage them to be brave and self-confident in the face of extreme pressure by peers and some teachers to conform at school, as so many artists in history were treated.

Once again, erev was casual-style, with so many people coming and going.  I made a big pot of chili, with fixin’s.  It was “Motzi [blessing over the challah]-and Run”.  Tonight I’ll stay over so as to get up and prep the Sunday B&B, a good safe place for fellow-ravers to gather and decompress.

I know a lot of people are in too much despondency and fear right now to be on social media, but I’m going to try to be here sharing whatever I can dredge up in my mundane life to help keep us going.  This is not a time to give in or give up.  What we all do in the coming four years must count and make a difference, even if it’s just to support and protect each other and provide a safe space.

Last night I chose to give up my monthly date with Avdi to instead have fellow-grievers over for a fire, drinks, and commiseration.   None of us were in any shape to go out and pretend things were normal, anyway.  We sat around talking, spewing, or just being overwhelmed together.  We toasted marshmallows, and Y told us spooky stories.  This may be one good way to get through this initial PTSD period.  Like sitting shiva (mourning communally) after a funeral.

I’m tired out just writing the above, so have some photos that represent hope to me.  Life will go on, and nature or karma have a way of sorting and eliminating depraved degenerates who crave only power and destruction, one way or another.

Remember our history.

Nothing lasts forever, even a hitler copycat.

Hold onto the light after the storm, and the people and values you love.

Things don’t really “go back to normal” in a house full of neurodivergent, gender-diverse teens and preteens.  It’s a constantly fluctuating roller coaster of conflicting feelings, anxieties, insecurities, and behaviors.  Issues can be expressed in varying ways by each kid:  mood swings, despondency, barely-concealed distress, a nonstop frenzy of chattering or activity, or retreating to solitude.  One can be lost in the shuffle of others’ urgent needs.  Meanwhile, life must go on, or try to.  And Avdi must continue to manage it all, with or without help.

Y has been wanting me to spend time with them more, which I’m glad to do.  Yesterday they were making jewelry with their latest haul of craft supplies, including beautiful custom insect wing earrings for me.  Whenever he could, S would hijack me and treat me to a nonstop manic monologue about whatever fantasy adventure he was on.  E was baking/going through their own personal emotional turmoil.  K was holed up in his lair, staying out of the fray, though at one point he asked me to teach him how to make an omelet, and was very pleased with the result.

Later in the evening, Avdi built a fire out on the patio, and Jess, Y, and S joined us for a while.  Avdi was just trying to find a moment of peace to unwind.  Y wanted to sit next to me, bundled up in a blanket.  S kept chattering, vying for attention.  Eventually they got bored with the boring grownups and went inside.  I was just enjoying the fire, and the string lights I had strung up all over the yard, once I figured out how to turn them on!

Just a “normal” day in the STL suburbs.

The facility let Y out yesterday, and they are safe at home, decompressing from the ordeal, with our help.  I’m sure the processing will continue for a while.  They actually gave me a big hug, which was a nice breakthrough.  We tried to make them feel welcomed and secure.

Just for the occasion, I made special challot loaded with colorful sprinkles.  As it turned out, everyone was headed in various directions, with Avdi shuttling back and forth, so I made it a casual grab-and-go meal.  Given the unusual circumstances of the week, flexibility was in order.

I actually got a night’s sleep for a change of pace–more like overslept.  I still have the serious dizziness, but it hasn’t escalated to full vertigo, so that’s a relief.  Relieved in every sense.

Here’s what Missourians do when tornado sirens are blasting in the middle of the night.  Two people in a row said, “What sirens?  I slept through it!”  Midwesterners.

Halloween seems to be a really big deal here, at least where Avdi lives.  Even I got into the spirit(s) of it.  Only, it was a little sad for us this year, with one family member absent, temporarily detained in a facility through no fault of anyone’s.  But they’re getting out!  Then we’ll celebrate.

Once again, here I am wide awake in the wee hours.  It seems to be a trend.  Someone’s got to keep the fires burning.