We had another full and boisterous house for Shabbat, with Stacey arriving to stay over and take the kids to Florida for the holidays.  Avdi made a delicious Indian palak paneer with rice, and a banana coconut bread.  We all hung out around the table talking until the candles burned down.

Now I get another staycation, while Avdi gets to unwind and rest and work uninterrupted.  It’s the winter solstice, so the days will start getting longer (by one second, but we’ll take it).  All I have to do is sit out the xmas feeding frenzy until it’s over (yay), and scrounge up a few more Chanukah tchotchkes for when the kids get back.  It’s hard when you’re broke, but we have ways.

I lied–the kids aren’t officially on full vacation; there were finals, studying, extracurricular activities, clubs, etc. to go back and forth to, while S is still on a full day.  It gets confusing, with all the comings and goings.  At one point, I wasn’t sure if I was home alone or not!  Jess and now Joyce have been nice enough to pitch in with rides when able.  It’s literally a community effort.

Meanwhile, A was in and out with yet more shopping errands and kid shuttling.  He made another delicious Italian meal in the slow cooker.  Somewhere in there he worked.  I got the job of sorting and filling the kids’ feed bags for the trip with their Mom to Florida to visit the other grandparents for the holidays.  She’ll be here overnight.

Y and a friend made this German cheesecake.  The other photos are my tropicals, etc. at home, and the neighbors’ color-changing “tree” again.  Not a lot happening outside.

Today I was able to walk to A’s and garden much of the day, it being in the high 40s.  Besides, the kids began their vacation this afternoon, so naturally E took over the kitchen and I was “banned”!  It was worth it, though, because they/he made a fabulous tiramisu from scratch, including the lady fingers.  Avdi made a wonderful Tuscan bean soup.

In the garden I continued to remove the old cardboard and cultivate the rest of the empty spaces.  Pretty soon it will start to look like an actual winter veg garden.  Then I trimmed and cleaned up the herb bed and labeled it, so it looks like an herb garden again and not a jungle.

In the house, I always manage to find jobs to do, but I’m running low on ideas!  Then I just hang out with S, while everyone else is coming and going, and serve dinner.  Joyce came by tonight with an Italian bread to go with the soup, so we had a chance to catch up a little.  Then Jess, Avdi, and Y showed up, and S got all excited and hyper with all the people to rope in and show off to.  It would have been party-like, if everyone wasn’t so worn out.  I admitted to Jess on the drive home how I sometimes look forward to my quiet apartment.

Yesterday was different, in that I got to go see S sing in his school holiday show.  I felt like I was playing hooky from work to go to school!  I did nothing in the garden, but it was too wet anyway.

When S feels secure, he’s quite the performer.  Seeing him in context with his fellow special needs classmates, some of whom are extremely disabled, gave me some perspective.  Even though in some ways he’s much more functional and cognizant than most, he seems to feel comfortable and empathetic with the situation, rather than misplaced.  The classes are very small and appropriate to the level of function, and he seems to get the supervision and attention he needs.

After his part in the show, he was allowed to sit with us and watch the rest, pointing out his friends, and how he had helped in production.  We were duly proud.

Later on at home, he was showing off his dance moves to my music.  Another example of his unselfconscious performance when he feels secure.  It seems to run in A’s family.  Since I’ve been here, I’ve witnessed all the kids overcoming their anxieties and insecurities in crowds to become more outgoing and less self-conscious in front of people.  It’s an impressive transformation.

It was so nice out yesterday, I walked the long way, then continued work on the garden, pulling dead plants, removing old cardboard, cultivating more spaces, and cutting back greens.  I know it looks like a crazy patchwork right now, but it’s actually a functioning garden in December!  Once it finally gives up the ghost for good, I’ll cultivate the whole thing and add organic material.  My ulterior motive is to persist with garden therapy as long as I can.  Just like this stubborn orange calendula.  It really does boost my mental state.

Speaking of mental, just a note to self for the record.  I had unblocked Ohio E for a time, just to give us a chance to try again to communicate in a reasonable, civil manner between friends, what she claimed she wanted, but predictably, it deteriorated back into passive-aggressive, blamey judgey self-defense, paranoia, and negativity.  Long repetitious lectures about what’s wrong with everyone and the world.  She’s a “good, nice person” but I’m selfish and my family is evil or something.  And she wonders why she can’t make and keep decent friends.  So blocked again it is.  I don’t feel as bad this time, because I gave her multiple chances, and she brings it on herself.  (She’s off social media, so it’s safe to speak plainly.)

I threw some photos of night lights in just for variety.  The “tree” is the neighbors’.

When I arrived at Avdi’s yesterday it was freezing and pouring.  After another almost sleepless night, I got up to an almost springlike day.  I couldn’t garden, though, because it was so wet.  What a teaser!  So I just redesigned garden beds in my mind.  I need to live in a greenhouse or the Climatron!

I caught a break, because A didn’t need my help (or non-help) the rest of the day, so I’ve been staycationing like a cat all day.  A staycat!  I got to cook something at home, order some Chanukah gifts, get my monthly Aldi Instacart delivery, and watch my shows.  So decadent, I feel guilty.  Maybe I’ll even catch up on lost sleep!

Oh, and another Shabbat came and went without incident, just another frenzied Friday.

Imagine if your neurodivergent preteen with frequent meltdowns over routine tasks took over the country and put their fantasy gaming characters in charge of all the important gov. departments.  That plan would be tame compared to what’s actually going down in reality.  It the Evil Clown is appointing the most incompetent losers for key posts.  The best-case scenario would be if the whole house of cards implodes, and saner minds have to step in and restore some semblance of order.  Whatever happens, I dread watching the awful collateral damage.

So anyway, here’s my adorable baby elephant ear unfurling under the watchful eye of its foster mother (unrelated).  I can’t have pets, so I anthropomorphize my plants.  Some of my best friends are plants.  When the trump depravity tries to destroy the world as we know it, guess who will eventually take back over and try to restore balance?  Weeds and natives.  As it should be.

It figures that I just enrolled in a UHC plan for next year, which turns out to be the healthcare monopoly with the most power to deny and kill patients of them all.  I have a bad feeling there will be a lot more desperate people with no recourse to justice attempting to assassinate megalomaniacs in the coming four years.  That’s the only kind of “justice” that seems to send a message in desperate times.

I had to tell my dentist I literally can’t afford the necessary perio treatment I was scheduled for and cancelled.  My dental coverage for the year was used up long ago.  Fortunately I got the worst of my comprehensive work over with, so hopefully next year, if they don’t deny my legit claims, I’ll be able to cover the less extreme procedures that are way overdue, plus finally get a vision exam, also long-delayed.  I can barely see anymore.  Hope it’s not too late.

I try not to whine too often, but sometimes it escapes through a crack.  Maybe it’s because I’m under the weather again.  Let me change the subject.  I’m excited about my new baby elephant ear emerging indoors to keep the bird of paradise and other tropicals company.  Affordable mental healthcare!

Typical MO weather: right after I posted about it being too cold to walk or garden, we got a warmish day, and I did both!  I walked to and from A’s (spending a sleepless night in between), and I started the process of removing the old cardboard and cultivating the empty rows.  I’ll remove the dead summer plants but leave the cool-weather greens for now.  Eventually the garden will be empty, mostly weedless, and ready to add homemade organic material and compost to be tilled in.  At least that’s the current plan.

I think this is how I deal psychologically with the apocalypse brewing around us: I continue to live life in the most productive, helpful way I know how, where I live, and hope it creates continuity and beauty for my extended family going into the coming four years.  I don’t have money or mobility to donate or volunteer, so I contribute what few skills I have (and free food) to the immediate needs in front of me.  If writing about my mundane efforts encourages anyone else, then all the better.

After days of temps in the teens and single digit wind chills, the veggies (see before and after photos) aren’t the only ones feeling limp and floppy!  I can’t do my usual walking or gardening, so I have to get creative indoors.  Since my bone density is dangerously low, I may have to relent per doctor’s orders and do resistance training as well as more weight-bearing exercise.  Blah.  Winter.

Some things remain consistent, though.  Half the kids don’t show up at the Shabbat table, due to various mental breaks and dramas.  I even halved the already halved challah recipe, so it would get eaten.  High school clubs expect kids to somehow show up at the crack of dawn on a cold Saturday morning, meaning Avdi can’t get any sleep.  How do they expect people to function like that?!