Being from the Land of Blizzards, I find it amusing to watch the schools and everything shut down for slightly more snow and ice and cold.  BUT—this is not amusing for people who have to work from home with little mobsters milling around creating chaos and meltdowns.  And I’m no help, being so prone to freezing to death or breakage.  I mean, it’s really cold out there.  I could use Bobbie Draper’s badass power armor right about now.

Thankfully, Avdi is doing seedling duty while I’m not there, so we don’t lose the work I did.  I’m a greenmother as well as grandmother.  Call it germination shock.  I’m very protective.

Meanwhile, I’m good at amusing myself at home,  I figured out how to pair all my devices with my new bluetooth speaker from Avdi, so music and movie sound quality is now much improved.  The only downside is, I’m regaining all the weight I lost, eating and not exercising.  Winter can go f–k itself.  The same can be said for fascist führers.  I live for spring.

*****

To whomever may still follow my humble blahg, not even a substack, I just want to say this:

For what it’s worth, this is my imperfect way of demonstrating that life goes on, however mundane, even while having your whole democracy annihilated around you by depraved maniacal idiots.  Except for some of us, whose lives no longer go on as usual.

Silence is complicity.  But some silence is necessary for protection of endangered loved ones and community.  I’m not sure how you find the balance, so I’m staying somewhat under the radar, preaching to the choir.  I don’t have the means or capacity to do much about it, anyway, so this is what I do for now:

I germinate and propagate (Prax-like) little beings to beautify and feed our lives.  I call my prop lab Praxigatrix Cascade.

I try to be here for my kid, grandkids, and the beautiful people I meet through them.

I (reluctantly but gratefully) try new forms of escaping outside myself into joyful inclusive gatherings.

And…I write down my unsophisticated but honest thoughts, in case anyone out there can relate and take something helpful from it.

I hope there is a positive cascade effect, even if it’s just to help keep us alive to rebuild.

(Can you tell I’m an Expanse devotee?)

That was the best birthday yet!  Avdi, Stacey, Jess, and the kids gave me a mountain of fabulous gifts and a tiramisu cake.  That was only the beginning.

Much later in the evening, Avdi, Joyce, and I went to my first rave ever.  It was mind bending!  I loved it.  Everyone was so chill and friendly.  The original music and light shows were mesmerizing.  The whole atmosphere was trippy in a very comfortable way.  People went out of their way to make my birthday (“3 years old”) special.  Total strangers talked to each other.  It felt like my fantasy dream world, familiar yet otherworldly, as in not of this current US nightmare.

I could totally get why people of all ages go to raves, to feel safe and inclusive and very euphoric.  Just the contact high (with a little supplemental help) was enough.  It was a very secure environment.  I was almost disappointed when Avdi said it was time to leave (in the wee hours).  I slept it off and didn’t even have a hangover.  I’m glad I was brave and took a chance, thanks to Avdi and Joyce.  This is one way people can get through the next four years.

HB to me!  Don’t ask how old, I can’t count that high.  So naturally I’ve been talked into going to my first rave, as one does.  Not an afternoon family rave, either, the late night grownup kind.  Because you’re never too old to go stark raving mad.  Ahaha.

The kids have a long holiday weekend, so their Mom was able to come spend it with them.  I made challah and she made a great dinner.  We all hung out and caught up and talked about how recent events will be affecting all of our lives and decisions.

Meanwhile, down in the lab, I continue to sow seeds, some of which are already starting to germinate.  It’s a weird mix of veggies and perennial flowers that need to be started early.  We even had a visit from one of K’s robots that competes in big robotic events at various schools.

Here are random whimsical festive photos.  See’s courtesy of The Bobs.

It’s pretty bad in the world when friends with covid or norovirus are saying at least the misery distracts them from the worse sickness of the state of US politics.  That’s desperate.  Come to think of it, I seem to have a stomach virus.

All kinds of freezing stuff is coming down today, which means the kids are home to distract Avdi from his work, and so far I’m staying home making the most of it by feeling sickish.  The kids are there to theoretically clean up the disarray they will inevitably create.

My previous food supplier disqualified me because I have the wrong kind of cancer (untreatable!), so I found a local food pantry that qualified me and delivers free via DoorDash.  They offer a slightly different variety of basic staples, but at least I won’t have to contend with rising food prices and fees, for now.

Did you know that some cities in British Columbia only get down in the 30s in winter and up to 80s (sometimes 90s, but dry) in summer?  I do now!  I’m not sure why Canada would welcome us right now, but apparently refugees from US persecution are a lot more welcome than Mexicans/ Latinos are to the US.  Go figure.  Just some trivia, apropos of nothing, on a cold day in the US Reich…

As you can probably guess, I mostly ignored the Super Bowl and kept my leanings to myself!  But I finally gave in to my curiosity about the reactions to the halftime show, and watched it.

I was impressed.  I loved the premise of it, and the guts it took to get away with the honesty and realness on that stage.  Not to mention the incredible choreography and artistry.  Instead of the usual flashy superficial commercialism catering to mostly white people, it dared to convey a serious message worthy of a performing arts stage, with an actual narrative.  It challenged white expectations of mindless entertainment and escape from accountability.

No wonder some people thought it was boring!  It reminds me of trump grumbling about Bishop Budde’s fearless plea of mercy being boring and nasty.  Clueless, remorseless white people don’t like being confronted with honest truth.  They’re afraid of people of color breaking through the red lines and taking their rightful place as equals.

I imagine slaves traveling forward in time to witness this moment, and all the mixed feelings they’d have: pride and vindication, but also, how is it that after hundreds of years, we’re only to this point?!  With slaver descendants still calling the shots and scared of an uprising!  And yet another white oppressor in control.  I’d say this revolution is way overdue.

So that’s my unsolicited, gratuitous review of the halftime show.  I’m sure I’m being naive and missing points, but there it is.

The spring indoor germination season has begun in Avdi’s basement!  From here on out it’s just a matter of time.

I started two varieties of eggplant, one Japanese and one Iraqi, green globe artichokes for the first time, Roman and German chamomile, and butterfly milkweed (the bright orange one).  I started chilling some lavender seeds until they start to sprout.

Meanwhile, I’ve been rooting and potting random produce from the kitchen, just for fun.  I’ll be doing more direct-sowing of select cool-weather veggies this time around.  The goal is to keep it simple and customized this year, with more kinds of flowers.

This is my way of resisting despair and sowing hope.  Maybe it will bring some pleasure to others when things seem bleak.

As for the SB, I have mixed allegiances so I’m keeping my mouth shut!

I’m trying to find that balance between going on public record about where I stand (no doubt I’m already on some bad lists), and prioritizing the safety and security of the people I love and care about by keeping my mouth shut.

I’m not going out marching in questionable protests and rallies, and I’m cutting down on signing frantic petitions and letters that don’t get read but get you added to lists, for the above reason.  I’m not sure you can avoid being targeted anyway, since no one is safe now.  It’s right in our faces and outside the door.  And in the schools.

So for me the best approach is to be part of the firewall standing between depraved fascist terrorists and my family and other threatened marginalized friends and community, as much as I’m able.  I refuse to be complicit in ethnic cleansing, genocide, and crimes against humanity.  If that happens to put me on the endangered list, good.  Though I hope to live to witness the utter destruction and humiliation of these criminals, if not how we rebuild afterwards.

Now back to things that are still “normal” for now.

In the midst of hard times and horrors all around, Avdi and I were able to seize a few hours to have one of our rare times out together.

We had an amazing dinner and drinks at Katie’s Pizza and Pasta Osteria.  The ambience was very casual, but the cuisine was astonishing, world class.  It was so good, you could almost lose yourself and forget the nightmare happening outside for a little while.  I felt very fortunate.

Afterwards we adjourned to a brand new whiskey tasting bar nearby, and sampled some excellent cocktails.  By that time, I was feeling quite happy, so I designated the whole enjoyable evening my early happy birthday outing.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate it than a night out with my son, talking about anything but awful reality.

In an ironic change of pace, the kids put pressure on me to stop doing their chores for them!  Not that they abnormally like chores, but I had been inadvertently doing their assigned daily tasks without thinking, as usual.  And they were getting in the habit of assuming I’d done them.  It’s hard to relinquish a habit!  Whatever will I do with myself?!

Obviously conceding and handing over the chores was the thing to do, so I tried it, with mixed results.  S was actually intent on completing his assignments, with minimal help.  In some cases, after realizing I hadn’t done their chores as usual, they reluctantly complied, or at least took note of the shift.  Or they simply weren’t there at the time, and I went ahead with their “permission”.

The point is, with some prodding, they are mostly willing to fulfill their obligations if I let go and let them.  You’d think it’s a no-brainer!  I had come to think of household tasks as “my job”, whereas my job is to let the kids learn to take responsibility.  Let’s just say it’s a work in progress, especially for me.  There is always more work for me to do, as long as I’m able, so I don’t feel useless, especially as spring approaches.

Maybe I was conditioned by my upbringing, in which my mother automatically did most of the household management and chores, so that I never learned to do basic life tasks or be entrusted with responsibility.  My role was to obey my parents without question and not take initiative or get in the way.  It took me a long time to grow up and take responsibility for myself and others.  Now it’s as if I’m following in her footsteps, making up for lost time, when what I need to do is support Avdi in allowing the kids to learn life skills and grow up.

Sometimes I think I’m the one still learning to grow up and be an adult, not a scared shadow, even at this late date.  Life’s full of twists, eh?

It was up to 75º or so yesterday, just a teaser of spring, but I took it.  Yellow and red witch hazel were blooming fragrantly.  A sleepy bee fell in my coffee, so I carefully rescued her, washed her off, and relocated her to safety.  I guess the coffee woke her up!

I finished removing most of the cardboard (never again) from the veg garden.  I tried to harvest some compost from the bin, but it was less than satisfactory; will have to work on that.

A fat robin (also sleepy) posed on a branch for a long time until I got the photo right.  Bulb flower shoots were popping up everywhere; it’s going to be a vibrant flower show soon.

As I wandered around taking photos and talking to critters, I discovered Y up in their tree observing me.  Then they walked on water!  The pool was still solid floating ice.  [Don’t panic A, no one and nothing was harmed!]

It was so warm out, I walked home as well as there, in a vivid sunset.  As I write today, of course the temps are back down, but it was a welcome preview.