Things don’t really “go back to normal” in a house full of neurodivergent, gender-diverse teens and preteens.  It’s a constantly fluctuating roller coaster of conflicting feelings, anxieties, insecurities, and behaviors.  Issues can be expressed in varying ways by each kid:  mood swings, despondency, barely-concealed distress, a nonstop frenzy of chattering or activity, or retreating to solitude.  One can be lost in the shuffle of others’ urgent needs.  Meanwhile, life must go on, or try to.  And Avdi must continue to manage it all, with or without help.

Y has been wanting me to spend time with them more, which I’m glad to do.  Yesterday they were making jewelry with their latest haul of craft supplies, including beautiful custom insect wing earrings for me.  Whenever he could, S would hijack me and treat me to a nonstop manic monologue about whatever fantasy adventure he was on.  E was baking/going through their own personal emotional turmoil.  K was holed up in his lair, staying out of the fray, though at one point he asked me to teach him how to make an omelet, and was very pleased with the result.

Later in the evening, Avdi built a fire out on the patio, and Jess, Y, and S joined us for a while.  Avdi was just trying to find a moment of peace to unwind.  Y wanted to sit next to me, bundled up in a blanket.  S kept chattering, vying for attention.  Eventually they got bored with the boring grownups and went inside.  I was just enjoying the fire, and the string lights I had strung up all over the yard, once I figured out how to turn them on!

Just a “normal” day in the STL suburbs.

The facility let Y out yesterday, and they are safe at home, decompressing from the ordeal, with our help.  I’m sure the processing will continue for a while.  They actually gave me a big hug, which was a nice breakthrough.  We tried to make them feel welcomed and secure.

Just for the occasion, I made special challot loaded with colorful sprinkles.  As it turned out, everyone was headed in various directions, with Avdi shuttling back and forth, so I made it a casual grab-and-go meal.  Given the unusual circumstances of the week, flexibility was in order.

I actually got a night’s sleep for a change of pace–more like overslept.  I still have the serious dizziness, but it hasn’t escalated to full vertigo, so that’s a relief.  Relieved in every sense.

Here’s what Missourians do when tornado sirens are blasting in the middle of the night.  Two people in a row said, “What sirens?  I slept through it!”  Midwesterners.

Halloween seems to be a really big deal here, at least where Avdi lives.  Even I got into the spirit(s) of it.  Only, it was a little sad for us this year, with one family member absent, temporarily detained in a facility through no fault of anyone’s.  But they’re getting out!  Then we’ll celebrate.

Once again, here I am wide awake in the wee hours.  It seems to be a trend.  Someone’s got to keep the fires burning.

Since I can’t sleep anyway, and the tornado sirens ensured I didn’t, I might as well use the long dark teatime for something semi-productive.

It’s been a long, difficult week for all of us.  This is not the place to go into details; suffice it to say we’ve had a hard lesson in the hazards of mental healthcare for kids (and adults) in this country.  You want to take your kid’s concerns/plea for help seriously, but once you set foot inside the system, protocols (mostly liability protection) take over and your options are limited to none.  The incarceration makes the crisis worse for the kid (and family), but you have to play along and convince them you’re ok to be released, while you’re being traumatized more.  Not to mention paying the other high costs.

Probably in sympathy with them, the stress is taking physical tolls.  I’ve had a reoccurrence of some vertigo and constant dizziness and other related symptoms.  But I still walk over there and back every day to lend some support and be there for the other kids, so A can go visit the facility and try to get work done in between.  Sometimes it’s almost dark when I walk home, but I don’t mind.  The evenings have been strangely euphoric, almost mystical, with the warm, clear wind and palliative atmosphere.  An unexpected moment of relief after days of worry and exhaustion.  So I guess the tornado scare was to be expected!  A helpful reminder that security is never to be taken for granted!

Anyway, nature goes on, oblivious of our human mishegoss.  It’s like a lighthouse or landmark to keep your bearings.  An asylum, as it were, but not the mental kind.  Maybe without the tornado warnings in the middle of the night.

I thought I had finally found a plan that covers more dental procedures, but apparently that is an elusive, mythological beast.  Dentistry in this country is only for the privileged, not the vast majority of people who need it.  I’ve combed through almost every possible option I can find, to no avail.  The cons or disqualifiers  always outweigh the pros.  In many cases the small allowance offered is for dividing between dental, vision, hearing, or other conditions.  Do they realize how far one or two thousand dollars don’t go in our healthcare system?  It’s very frustrating, trying to stretch low income to cover basic necessities.  But I’ll keep on searching the labyrinth for that one-horned, endangered phantom.

In pleasanter news, I spent the night (not sleeping) so Avdi could get out.  E made great pizzas from scratch, as well as cookies.  They were in their HS show rehearsals for 8 hours today.  Avdi drove round-trip to pick up S from his mom visit.  I walked home to wrestle all day with health insurance sites until I couldn’t focus.  No wonder I lose sleep.  But at least it’s gorgeous and colorful out.  I aired out my apartment, if not my brain.

The last photo is asparagus.

So many goings-on, so little time.  I’ll try to recap the highlights.

S is in Michigan, visiting his mom on his school break, so it’s very peaceful and much less stressful here.  I’ve been getting a workout cleaning up the landscape.  It actually rained, after a month or so without, so back to warm and muggy for a day, but a relief.  I planted some pak choi, tatsoi, and cauliflower in the veg garden, filling every available space with cool weather crops.  I planted my tree saplings, sycamore and catalpa, along the woods path.  I continued to clean up around the two sheds and compost area; now those spaces are open and usable.  Flowers and cool-weather herbs are thriving in this cooler weather.

We (Avdi, Jess, E, Y, and I) went to Grant’s Farm’s spooky Halloween tram ride extravaganza.  Built by Ulysses S. Grant, the farm has been the home of the Anheuser-Busch family, the Budweiser Clydesdales, and hundreds of diverse animals, most notably the herds of goats, which was the most entertaining part of the evening.  After they let you off the tram, you take bottles of milk into the large goat pen and get stampeded by adorable baby goats!  I found myself under a pile of them!  There is no way to be depressed in a pen of goats!  Even Avdi was grinning, in his element.

Then it was erev Shabbat, and I did my thing, while Avdi and E prepped a delicious dinner.  I helped Y create a “secret” cave down in the “crypt”.  E baked cookies after dinner.  Much later, I got “home” and collapsed, in a good way.

I’m getting so far behind, I’ll just post photos from the busy last couple of days, and you can connect the dots.  Somewhere in there I got a lot of work done (not shown).

The Sukkah B&B was a success.  There were more kids than grownups!  E out-baked themself, as usual, with a perfect apple pie and other confections, and even made us an excellent poke bowl lunch.  Avdi made a fire.  The kids played on the trampoline, raked and jumped in leaves, joined in badminton, and dueled with light sticks as it got dark.  We sat around the fire or in the sukkah, eating, drinking, grilling hot dogs and brats, and talking until after the moon came up.

The next morning (once I finally woke up), I cleaned up the yard and cut a new path behind the shed.  Then Avdi took K and S and me to get desperately needed new shoes.  I scored a gorgeous pair of  bright turquoise Converse hi-tops and black leather Timberland boots, both deep-discounted.  Avdi helped me with one pair, for which I was deeply grateful.  Later we had our family meeting and charcuterie.

I’m growing to appreciate these long warm days and evenings of MO fall.  The garden is still happily producing, and nobody wants to come inside, especially me!  The bugs are milkweed bugs being harmless on the swamp milkweed seed pods.  Note the clever coffee “table”, and my rubber duckies basking.

And lo, the very next morning the critters had devoured every last Indian corn we had so thoughtfully hung for them in the Sukkah, as it should be!  The transience, quite in keeping with the holiday theme.  But we made up for it with more halloween décor.

I’ve never seen a kid as at home in a tall tree as Y.  They even wove themself a sturdy rope nest up there, with a towel to lie in.  At first they were a little nervous climbing, but now they’re like a squirrel.  Or a fox would be more accurate.  It’s their Overstory.  I envy them.

They’re also learning to ride horses, as I once did.  Carrying on the tradition.

Avdi and I collaborated on the erev meal, which was fajitas with all the fixings, and some fresh assorted greens from the garden.  My challot looked like they were trying to be Italian.  Y kept volunteering to help me!  As usual, the kids were headed out every which way, to sports and friends, with exhausted Avdi shuttling.  At least they’re becoming much more socially engaged than when they first arrived.

Some time later, Avdi drove me to borrow J’s car while she’s away, so I get to play at driving again for a day or two.  Now if I could only see better!

Tomorrow, that is, later today (I’m writing this at “the long dark teatime of the soul”), will be our (possibly last of the season) Sukkah B&B. This is Avdi’s and my favorite holiday, for obvious reasons.  It’s so earthy!  Even Y, usually Jewish-resistant, seems to be getting into the spirit of things.  We look forward to sharing the festivities with old and new friends.

It’s convenient how halloween decorations are available for Sukkot!  I hit the DollarTree motherlode and did some embellishments of my own…to be continued.  Like crows and ravens, I’m a sucker for sparkly, shiny things.  I added some more homegrown Indian corn to E’s handiwork.

Avdi was very preoccupied with too many kid/work things going on, so I stuck around and made dinner–a simple assortment of autism-friendly items.  It was popular.  S even ate seconds.

And now back to work at A’s for erev preps and cleaning up the yard for Saturday’s Sukkah B&B.