Not to let a little sick spell stop me, I thought I’d just check in on the real world.  I don’t appear to have covid, though at least one gkid does.  It’s such a routine, ubiquitous virus now, you don’t really think about it much until it makes its rounds.

Under our new tyrants, who are decimating all agencies and services that help keep us alive and well, it’s already starting to look medieval across the country.  But I know (or have to believe) that many more people will fight back, once it hits home how personal and dangerous this is for all of us.

It can’t have been a whole week since I was at The Avdi’s, though it feels like it, what with all the being sick and isolated.  I feel like such a truant.  I have to depend on others to keep my green babies alive!  Not to mention Avdi has been stuck at home with all the kids and few to no “grownups” or respite, due to the “holiday” extended by more weather closings.  (They’ll probably have to change “Presidents Day” to “Dictators Day”.)

The frigid sub-zero temps have conceded to warmer ones for now, no doubt just a teaser, but I can feel it calling unto me!  I’m going to attempt a brief breakout maybe tomorrow (to check on the seedlings and get some rare fresh air).  I’m quite good at seclusion, but I can see how it gets sad and surreal after a while.  Isolation can take many forms, such as being alone surrounded by self-centered juveniles, or relegated to a facility to die among strangers.  I feel so fortunate to have a retreat, but with access to family and friends (and plants and wildlife, in my case).  Humans need both for sanity.

I’m starting to ramble, so bye for now.

I got to see my green babies yesterday, as well as the others who were still home from school for the latest “winter storm”.  This snow is drier but already causing highway crashes.  I’m waiting to see if our district called it again.  Avdi is not amused.  Still, it is very shimmery and sparkly out.

The green globe artichokes, my latest experiment down below, were starting to come up, along with some others.  I watered everyone in, then covered the couple of seeded flats for greenhouse effect.  The miscellaneous other plants are getting big.

In deepest, darkest, coldest winter, the first glimpses of our spring garden to come is what keeps me going.  While the whole government as we knew it gets systematically dismantled and destroyed by fascist lunatics, you have to hold onto the simple, vital aspects of life that give you hope or at least gratification, anything these fools haven’t hijacked yet.

Being from the Land of Blizzards, I find it amusing to watch the schools and everything shut down for slightly more snow and ice and cold.  BUT—this is not amusing for people who have to work from home with little mobsters milling around creating chaos and meltdowns.  And I’m no help, being so prone to freezing to death or breakage.  I mean, it’s really cold out there.  I could use Bobbie Draper’s badass power armor right about now.

Thankfully, Avdi is doing seedling duty while I’m not there, so we don’t lose the work I did.  I’m a greenmother as well as grandmother.  Call it germination shock.  I’m very protective.

Meanwhile, I’m good at amusing myself at home,  I figured out how to pair all my devices with my new bluetooth speaker from Avdi, so music and movie sound quality is now much improved.  The only downside is, I’m regaining all the weight I lost, eating and not exercising.  Winter can go f–k itself.  The same can be said for fascist führers.  I live for spring.

*****

To whomever may still follow my humble blahg, not even a substack, I just want to say this:

For what it’s worth, this is my imperfect way of demonstrating that life goes on, however mundane, even while having your whole democracy annihilated around you by depraved maniacal idiots.  Except for some of us, whose lives no longer go on as usual.

Silence is complicity.  But some silence is necessary for protection of endangered loved ones and community.  I’m not sure how you find the balance, so I’m staying somewhat under the radar, preaching to the choir.  I don’t have the means or capacity to do much about it, anyway, so this is what I do for now:

I germinate and propagate (Prax-like) little beings to beautify and feed our lives.  I call my prop lab Praxigatrix Cascade.

I try to be here for my kid, grandkids, and the beautiful people I meet through them.

I (reluctantly but gratefully) try new forms of escaping outside myself into joyful inclusive gatherings.

And…I write down my unsophisticated but honest thoughts, in case anyone out there can relate and take something helpful from it.

I hope there is a positive cascade effect, even if it’s just to help keep us alive to rebuild.

(Can you tell I’m an Expanse devotee?)

That was the best birthday yet!  Avdi, Stacey, Jess, and the kids gave me a mountain of fabulous gifts and a tiramisu cake.  That was only the beginning.

Much later in the evening, Avdi, Joyce, and I went to my first rave ever.  It was mind bending!  I loved it.  Everyone was so chill and friendly.  The original music and light shows were mesmerizing.  The whole atmosphere was trippy in a very comfortable way.  People went out of their way to make my birthday (“3 years old”) special.  Total strangers talked to each other.  It felt like my fantasy dream world, familiar yet otherworldly, as in not of this current US nightmare.

I could totally get why people of all ages go to raves, to feel safe and inclusive and very euphoric.  Just the contact high (with a little supplemental help) was enough.  It was a very secure environment.  I was almost disappointed when Avdi said it was time to leave (in the wee hours).  I slept it off and didn’t even have a hangover.  I’m glad I was brave and took a chance, thanks to Avdi and Joyce.  This is one way people can get through the next four years.

HB to me!  Don’t ask how old, I can’t count that high.  So naturally I’ve been talked into going to my first rave, as one does.  Not an afternoon family rave, either, the late night grownup kind.  Because you’re never too old to go stark raving mad.  Ahaha.

The kids have a long holiday weekend, so their Mom was able to come spend it with them.  I made challah and she made a great dinner.  We all hung out and caught up and talked about how recent events will be affecting all of our lives and decisions.

Meanwhile, down in the lab, I continue to sow seeds, some of which are already starting to germinate.  It’s a weird mix of veggies and perennial flowers that need to be started early.  We even had a visit from one of K’s robots that competes in big robotic events at various schools.

Here are random whimsical festive photos.  See’s courtesy of The Bobs.

It’s pretty bad in the world when friends with covid or norovirus are saying at least the misery distracts them from the worse sickness of the state of US politics.  That’s desperate.  Come to think of it, I seem to have a stomach virus.

All kinds of freezing stuff is coming down today, which means the kids are home to distract Avdi from his work, and so far I’m staying home making the most of it by feeling sickish.  The kids are there to theoretically clean up the disarray they will inevitably create.

My previous food supplier disqualified me because I have the wrong kind of cancer (untreatable!), so I found a local food pantry that qualified me and delivers free via DoorDash.  They offer a slightly different variety of basic staples, but at least I won’t have to contend with rising food prices and fees, for now.

Did you know that some cities in British Columbia only get down in the 30s in winter and up to 80s (sometimes 90s, but dry) in summer?  I do now!  I’m not sure why Canada would welcome us right now, but apparently refugees from US persecution are a lot more welcome than Mexicans/ Latinos are to the US.  Go figure.  Just some trivia, apropos of nothing, on a cold day in the US Reich…

As you can probably guess, I mostly ignored the Super Bowl and kept my leanings to myself!  But I finally gave in to my curiosity about the reactions to the halftime show, and watched it.

I was impressed.  I loved the premise of it, and the guts it took to get away with the honesty and realness on that stage.  Not to mention the incredible choreography and artistry.  Instead of the usual flashy superficial commercialism catering to mostly white people, it dared to convey a serious message worthy of a performing arts stage, with an actual narrative.  It challenged white expectations of mindless entertainment and escape from accountability.

No wonder some people thought it was boring!  It reminds me of trump grumbling about Bishop Budde’s fearless plea of mercy being boring and nasty.  Clueless, remorseless white people don’t like being confronted with honest truth.  They’re afraid of people of color breaking through the red lines and taking their rightful place as equals.

I imagine slaves traveling forward in time to witness this moment, and all the mixed feelings they’d have: pride and vindication, but also, how is it that after hundreds of years, we’re only to this point?!  With slaver descendants still calling the shots and scared of an uprising!  And yet another white oppressor in control.  I’d say this revolution is way overdue.

So that’s my unsolicited, gratuitous review of the halftime show.  I’m sure I’m being naive and missing points, but there it is.

The spring indoor germination season has begun in Avdi’s basement!  From here on out it’s just a matter of time.

I started two varieties of eggplant, one Japanese and one Iraqi, green globe artichokes for the first time, Roman and German chamomile, and butterfly milkweed (the bright orange one).  I started chilling some lavender seeds until they start to sprout.

Meanwhile, I’ve been rooting and potting random produce from the kitchen, just for fun.  I’ll be doing more direct-sowing of select cool-weather veggies this time around.  The goal is to keep it simple and customized this year, with more kinds of flowers.

This is my way of resisting despair and sowing hope.  Maybe it will bring some pleasure to others when things seem bleak.

As for the SB, I have mixed allegiances so I’m keeping my mouth shut!

I’m trying to find that balance between going on public record about where I stand (no doubt I’m already on some bad lists), and prioritizing the safety and security of the people I love and care about by keeping my mouth shut.

I’m not going out marching in questionable protests and rallies, and I’m cutting down on signing frantic petitions and letters that don’t get read but get you added to lists, for the above reason.  I’m not sure you can avoid being targeted anyway, since no one is safe now.  It’s right in our faces and outside the door.  And in the schools.

So for me the best approach is to be part of the firewall standing between depraved fascist terrorists and my family and other threatened marginalized friends and community, as much as I’m able.  I refuse to be complicit in ethnic cleansing, genocide, and crimes against humanity.  If that happens to put me on the endangered list, good.  Though I hope to live to witness the utter destruction and humiliation of these criminals, if not how we rebuild afterwards.

Now back to things that are still “normal” for now.

In the midst of hard times and horrors all around, Avdi and I were able to seize a few hours to have one of our rare times out together.

We had an amazing dinner and drinks at Katie’s Pizza and Pasta Osteria.  The ambience was very casual, but the cuisine was astonishing, world class.  It was so good, you could almost lose yourself and forget the nightmare happening outside for a little while.  I felt very fortunate.

Afterwards we adjourned to a brand new whiskey tasting bar nearby, and sampled some excellent cocktails.  By that time, I was feeling quite happy, so I designated the whole enjoyable evening my early happy birthday outing.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate it than a night out with my son, talking about anything but awful reality.